TWC Dungeons and Dragons

[Gyrosmeister]

[ggggtotalwarrior]

Our first few sessions had some planned combat that the group managed to pretty much non-stop bull their way out of. This session was our first real combat heavy dungeon crawl and essentially every single time we could have prevented combat we failed miserably

[Akar]

That was a fairly brutal close quarters brawl for much of the session. You guys took out your fair share of enemies though, especially considering your relatively low level and lack of serious planning. Each session so far has been better than the last and I am as always looking forward to next session (as well as your write up of this one!)

[Akar]

Vid of our last session

[ggggtotalwarrior]

Waterdeep Mystery
Chapter 3: A Heist Goes Wrong

Open in the home of Harminil of House Finderwel.

Party:


Varis Aloro, Chaotic Good Paladin, Half-Elf, 28 years of age: escaped slave and former Calimport Gladiator. Paladin with an oath of Vengeance on slavers and a desire to do good by the less fortunate, but whose pursuit of these goals are often harmed by bouts of depression and drunkenness over his past. Recent arrival to Waterdeep in search of his lost love, who he lost contact with when sold from Luskan to Calimport 12 years ago.


Harminil of House Finderwel, True Neutral Battle Master, High Elf, 120 years of age: Noble and former soldier with residence in Waterdeep. Painter and wild card with deep-rooted sense of High Elven Supremacy and an insatiable desire for high elven women. Seeks to hone his skills in combat so that one day he may reclaim the Jeweled Crown of his ancestors that was stolen by a demonic entity long ago and restore his house’s and personal sense of superiority. Prior experience serving with the mercenary Varragh il Sunayn during his military service.


Varragh il Sunayn, Chaotic Neutral Mastermind, Fey Elf, 186 years of age: Descendant of a house of hunters turned traffickers who straddled the border between Toril and the Feywild. Rogue, Hunter and survivor with an imperative to retake and restore her family’s power, even if guilted by the means that acquired that power. Will keep the party on track and has a no-nonsense attitude when dealing with the commoners, or even potential enemies, who get in her way. Prior experience serving with the soldier Harminil through her time as a mercenary:

NPCs:

Pierre Kukassy, formerly known to the party as “Bucket Man”: Endshift Bartender. Fat older man who loves a good alcoholic customer. Bros with Varis, negative opinion towards Harminil. Eyes and ears in the city for the party. Still sells the bucket.

Amrik: In charge of “Amrik’s Raiders” in the Southern Ward, a division of a larger gang. Holed up in an abandoned warehouse. Friends with the psychotic, violent criminal (possibly prostitute?) Daratha

Ziraj “the Hunter”: Big ol Orc. A whole backstory that we sidestepped by turning him into a red shirt. Cool epithet, still merc’d in about 7 seconds

We open with the group deciding to go their separate ways for the week leading to the heist:
Varis divides his time between a few activities: investigating further into the whereabouts of his lost love and getting inebriated in despair when they fail to turn up results, meeting with ally Kukassy in the back of Endshift for information regarding Daratha/heist for 3% of take (eventually learning about Amrik’s raiders’ involvement and Evander being seen in the tavern “The Flagon Dragon”)

Harminil spends the entire week attempting to create a magnificent forgery of a famous painting, “Dwarf with a Pearl Earring”. The forgery fails miserably, resulting in a painting so blatantly fake that it more resembles a meh original work of the exact same subject, worth 12 gold. Otherwise, he mostly just hangs out and waits.

Varragh meanwhile explores bars in the underworld and learns one of that crazy Daratha’s lovers is involved in a criminal organization called the “Shadow Thieves” (Possibly the larger group Amrik runs an outfit for?). Daratha is also likely laying low in Dock Wards. Varragh also scams an impoverished widow out of her life savings for 15 gold because she is a being of pure evil.

INVESTIGATING THE HEIST

The group determines Kukassy’s information is likely more trustworthy and decides to pursue the Amrik lead. They try to scope out the warehouse with Harminil waiting the back to spy/provide backup while Varis and Varragh engage in a slapstick “HOUSEKEEPING” door knocking routine that results in them getting crossbows pointed at their face until convincing the Raiders to let them in. Harminil gets caught out back and the group bluffs that he wasn’t spying but just late from painting a painting and got lost.

The raiders agree to let the group in on the heist after Varragh finally admits they learned of it by beating, kidnapping and Weekend at Bernie’s-ing Daratha. Harminil spends every 3 seconds of this encounter trying to subtly convince the other two to betray the bandits, while Varragh reminds him that already multiple times he’s tried the “sneakily speak in Elvish” tactic in front of people who speak Elvish. The group decides with their infinite wisdom to not once question how this heist is going to go down while waiting for night fall as the orc leers at them. Amrik repeatedly referring to how much he likes Daratha should be an instant red flag about just what kind of guy he is but it is repeatedly ignored for no discernable reason.

Come nighttime the party descends on the bank with the bandits only for the bandits to instantly start slaughtering guardsmen. At this moment Varis goes “huh I didn’t realize a heist alongside a bunch of orcs and psychotic criminals would involve wanton slaughter. Maybe I should’ve asked more questions. I’m not okay with this” Meanwhile Varragh is totally fine with this development, and Harminil is salivating at his betrayal plan finally possibly going through.

As soon as they enter the bank’s lower levels and the bandits attempt to kill more guards, the party turns on the bandits. Varis’ plans to turn on the bandits and then take the guards alive doesn’t work out when his persuasion skills for the first time in Waterdeep go to and Varragh responds by lighting them all on fire. Harminil meanwhile goes “SEE I WANTED TO DO THAT EARLIER”. When Amrik falls, he utters a lamentation of how he foolishly trusted them and was told by Ziraj to expect a betrayal, to which the party asks “who the is Ziraj” before looking at the nametag “ZIRAJ THE HUNTER” on his dead orc friend’s corpse.

So now that the party has murdered 3 guards, they’re basically all-in with Varragh and to a lesser extent Harminil arguing all the guards must die now; the party is already at fault for murder of several innocents. The party continues to sneak around and even entirely avoids a room of metalworkers forging metal golems before entering in several skirmishes and slaughtering guards with abandon as Varis gets increasingly sad and guilt-ridden. They even discover a downstairs vault but lack the key/combination to unlock it.

The party at one point finds a lockbox room and Varragh manages to extract a few gold bars while the other two rest and heal. Varragh manages to sneak attack a lone guard overlooking the door and straight up assassinates him with that cliché woman assassin legs-around-neck move that’s in every modern action film while Varis looks on in horror and Harminil cheers. Finally, they go upstairs, and the alarm is sounded so the party massacres half a dozen+ guardsmen after initially contemplating escaping with what they have. In this encounter Harminil is a tank literally tearing guards to shreds with constant riposte spam while screaming racial obscenities, spell-less and injured Varis stands behind him comically throwing vases at guards like he is Oprah giving away free cars and Varragh fires her crossbow while constantly rationalizing the party’s increasingly brutal behavior.

This is where the session ends. A few dozen guards dead, the party battered and bruised but close to having explored the entirety of the bank, and the party still having not had the awareness to take a single guard alive to interrogate for the combination. Essentially, the party betrayed the bandits due to their brutal methods to only go on a murderous rampage anyway. All this in a span of maybe 3 hours and with hours to go until the bank opens.

Points to consider for next time:

How will the party finish the heist and escape the bank with their lives?

If they do succeed where does the party go after slaughtering a bank of innocent men? How will the money be spent?

Will Varis drink his sorrows away? Will Harminil bask in the glory of his idea being followed? Will Varragh ever feel an ounce of guilt?

Will Akar come up with another NPC with a seemingly sick background and nickname just for us to stab him in the back 7 seconds into meeting him?

WHERE THE IS EVANDER AND THE ACTUAL MYSTERY OF THE MISSING PRISONERS HEADED WHILE THIS WENT DOWN?

Find out next time.

[ggggtotalwarrior]

Oh we also stupidly decided in the roughly 12 hours we had to wait for the heist to not go to market and buy literally supplies beyond what we already had

[Gyrosmeister]

[ggggtotalwarrior]

Good session. We finished our slaughter of the bank with a golem battle, Harminil was knocked unconscious severely limiting how many gold bars we could carry out, a strange magical creepy man teleported us out as we burned the building down while surrounded by guards, Varis got wasted and paid the bartender his cut, Varragh met up with Evander while he was arrested, and Harminil met a fellow elf supremacist.

A full recap will be arriving soon

[Akar]

Video of our last session

[ggggtotalwarrior]

WATERDEEP MYSTERY

CHAPTER 4: A Heist Goes Very Wrong

Open in Sword Coast Traders’ Bank

Party:

Varis Aloro, Chaotic Good Paladin, Half-Elf, 28 years of age: escaped slave and former Calimport Gladiator. Paladin with an oath of Vengeance on slavers and a desire to do good by the less fortunate, but whose pursuit of these goals are often harmed by bouts of depression and drunkenness over his past. Recent arrival to Waterdeep in search of his lost love, who he lost contact with when sold from Luskan to Calimport 12 years ago.


Harminil of House Finderwel, True Neutral Battle Master, High Elf, 120 years of age: Noble and former soldier with residence in Waterdeep. Painter and wild card with deep-rooted sense of High Elven Supremacy and an insatiable desire for high elven women. Seeks to hone his skills in combat so that one day he may reclaim the Jeweled Crown of his ancestors that was stolen by a demonic entity long ago and restore his house’s and personal sense of superiority. Prior experience serving with the mercenary Varragh il Sunayn during his military service.


Varragh il Sunayn, Chaotic Neutral Mastermind, Fey Elf, 186 years of age: Descendant of a house of hunters turned traffickers who straddled the border between Toril and the Feywild. Rogue, Hunter and survivor with an imperative to retake and restore her family’s power, even if guilted by the means that acquired that power. Will keep the party on track and has a no-nonsense attitude when dealing with the commoners, or even potential enemies, who get in her way. Prior experience serving with the soldier Harminil through her time as a mercenary:

NPCs:

Pierre Kukassy, “Bucket Man” Endshift Tavern Bartender: Fat older man who loves a good alcoholic customer. Bros with Varis, negative opinion towards Harminil. Eyes and ears in the city for the party. Still sells the bucket. Wants his cut plus damages.
The Thin Man: Creepy er with a knack for the dramatic and the current body of Prince Phillip. Up to some magical ery.
Evander “the Commander”: Good heart, poor judge of character. Still wondering where the his missing prisoners are.

Eden “The Pure Priest”: Leads prayers by day, pogroms by night

The Heist Continues:

We open to the aftermath of our party’s previous session, which ended with them slaughtering the entire bank in a desparate search for access to its vaults. Bloodied and battered but running low on time, the group does what little healing they can and rest in preparation for any further violent confrontations. Still on the upper floor, the group explores the few unexamined central rooms, finding a variety of expensive jewelry, coin, and ornate maps. Varragh, being a thieving rogue primarily handles this search. The group breaks into all three manager offices and manages to steal 40 promissory notes from Manager Provence Afterview’s office as well as three ornate keys.

Eventually, avoiding the metalworkers’ room they previously encountered, the party goes back to the vault and Varragh is able to open one vault inner door with the keys only to be confronted with a second door. This is where things go horribly wrong.

Rather than attempt to focus on the one vault inner door that just was revealed, the party moves onto the other door they previously avoided, opening a door to a room with two massive chests, labeled “Neverwinter” and “Baldur’s Gate”. Harminil immediately runs into the room and activates 6 functional metal golems who the party attempt to avoid by fleeing despite being encumbered and completely incapable of outrunning them. A long battle ensues in the vaults, with Harminil riposte spamming, Varragh fighting dirty as usual with a few successful traps and Varis late to the fight and contributing little given he was attempting to run before realizing that was not going to happen. Just before the final golem can be defeated, it downs Harminil, who succeeds in stabilizing but is now knocked unconscious. The chests in this room are unfortunately empty.

Knowing they’re low on time but that fleeing now would make all their suffering worthless, Varragh works against the clock to unlock the other vault while Varis carries an unconscious Harminil to the stairs. This vault reveals dozens of gold 5 lb bars, but the group is unable to carry nearly as many as desired due to Harminil’s state. Varis and Varragh pocket what they can and drag Harminil upstairs intending to flee out the back. Varragh begins to use her discarded torches by the exit to light the bank on fire, and just as they exist the back door the group comes face to face with several guards, forcing them to flee back into the burning building. Running to the barred front door, the group comes face to face with one ugly mother er who looks somewhat like a mix between Lord Voldemort and Darth Sion with the body of 2002 Layne Staley. This “Thin Man” offers the group assistance in exchange for a debt, to which Varragh and Varis immediately agree while the unconscious Harminil makes gurgling noises that are taken as an agreement.

Post-Heist Chaos

The group is teleported to Harminil’s home where they rest up and heal before planning what to do next. Ignoring the pressing matter of just selling themselves to a creepy magical , they determine they received roughly 10,000+ in addition to some un-appraised items, but unfortunately most of the value is found in the 32 marked gold bars. Guilt-ridden, Varis drinks Harminil’s wine, which is begrudgingly accepted by the supremacist elf due to Varis having carried him out of a burning building, while Varragh feels little if any guilt for having burned several men alive.

Varis decides to go to Kukassy before immediately realizing the city is in disarray and a wanted poster of 3 individuals vaguely resembling the party can be found all along the city. After surviving a checkpoint search on his journey to the Field Ward, being unknowingly aided in his “I was partying last night” alibi by the fact Harminil and Varragh drew phalluses on his face as he slept, Varis visits Kukassy. The fat bartender accepts his 400+ coin payment but demands another 600 for his silence on the 20,000+ bounty for the psychopaths who massacred an entire bank and burned it to the ground. Kukassy also gives Varis a bucket for the road on his way home.

Varragh goes to visit Evander in another tavern located close to Rose Mayfleet’s institute in disguise. It is only after asking why she is disguised that the daft Evander realizes “hey those three wanted people look exactly like the three I hired two weeks ago to investigate the missing people”. Varragh uses her devilish charm to convince Evander the Commander that Amrik was *totally* responsible for the slaughter that happened at the bank and the group has the money but just needs to remove the heat on them to pay Mayfleet. This is quickly interrupted by some guards clearly involved in the conspiracy who arrest Evander, on the false grounds of having murdered Popovich at the Silent Shield over a week prior.

Harminil, now completely recovered from having nearly died just a few hours prior, decides to go to church. Unsatisfied with the quality of female high elves in the vicinity, he decides instead to talk to the male priest and engage in a series of increasingly extreme dog whistle conversation topics concerning the purity of elvenkind. This priest proceeds to invite Harminil to a bi-monthly “club”. Harminil is seemingly thrilled at this prospect. Harminil went to church looking for blessings of both the divine and of the flesh but instead finally finds a like-minded in hatred individual who for once is also a high elf

So now, upon returning home and aware of the issue of their potential likenesses covering the city, the group is in a position of not being able to easily travel together, travel between wards carrying their heist loot, or convert their loot to coin in order to pay Rose. All while the conspiracy has progressed without them into Evander being taken captive, the party is being sidetracked by racist priests and buying alcohol, and to top if off they just potentially made a deal with the devil for all they know. Oh, and they all reached level 4.

Points to Consider for next time:

What happened to Evander? Will he be alright in the time it takes us to reach him?

Can the party attempt to remove or replace the bounty on the heads of three individuals that GREATLY resemble them?

Can Kukassy or any other potential allies be of any help in swapping out the gold bars? If so, how will the bars get past the checkpoints?

How much longer can Varragh put up with Varis’ and Harminil’s idiocy? Will Varis be too distracted by alcohol and repenting his sins to help with the task at hand? Will Harminil care more about his Elven racists than saving his former war ally?
Who the was the Thin Man?

Find out next time.

[Akar]

A fantastic recap as always.

Always manages to get me excited for the next game.

[Akar]

[ggggtotalwarrior]

This recap actually is one of two abbreviated sessions that took place the prior two weeks rather than one longer session as seen in prior chapters.

WATERDEEP MYSTERY

CHAPTER 5: Just Some Waterdeep

Open in the home of Harminil of House Finderwel

Party:
Varis Aloro, Chaotic Good Paladin, Half-Elf, 28 years of age: escaped slave and former Calimport Gladiator. Paladin with an oath of Vengeance on slavers and a desire to do good by the less fortunate, but whose pursuit of these goals are often harmed by bouts of depression and drunkenness over his past. Recent arrival to Waterdeep in search of his lost love, who he lost contact with when sold from Luskan to Calimport 12 years ago.
Alias: “Drunken Dip ” “12 Years a Slave”

Harminil of House Finderwel, True Neutral Battle Master, High Elf, 120 years of age: Noble and former soldier with residence in Waterdeep. Painter and wild card with deep-rooted sense of High Elven Supremacy and an insatiable desire for high elven women. Seeks to hone his skills in combat so that one day he may reclaim the Jeweled Crown of his ancestors that was stolen by a demonic entity long ago and restore his house’s as well as his personal sense of superiority. Prior experience serving with the mercenary Varragh il Sunayn during his military service.
Alias: “Harm and ‘Ammer”, “The Hater”

Varragh il Sunayn, Chaotic Neutral Mastermind, Fey Elf, 186 years of age: Descendant of a house of hunters turned traffickers who straddled the border between Toril and the Feywild. Rogue, Hunter and survivor with an imperative to retake and restore her family’s power, even if guilted by the means that acquired that power. Will keep the party on track and has a no-nonsense attitude when dealing with the commoners, or even potential enemies, who get in her way. Prior experience serving with the soldier Harminil through her time as a mercenary:
Alias: “The woman who literally snapped a dude’s neck like Black Widow” “Big Scary”

NPCs:
Pierre Kukassy, “Bucket Man” Endshift Tavern Bartender: Fat older man who loves a good alcoholic customer. Bros with Varis, negative opinion towards Harminil. Eyes and ears in the city for the party. Still sells the bucket. Got his cut plus damages.

Halazar “It’s NOT ING SALAZAR” the Dwarf, owner of Halazar’s Fine Gems: Beautifully bejeweled Dwarf with an oddly high pitched almost cockney accent and a love of fancy . One flamboyant son of a gun.

Phalantar “The Philanderer”, Pawnshop owner: “I’m Phalantar Harrison and this is my Pawnshop, I work here in Waterdeep with my old man and my son Big Hoss. Everything in here has a story and a price. One thing I’ve learned in 21 years is you never know WHAT is gonna come through those doors”. Does some deals with Varragh for hundreds of coin, but in true pawnshop fashion, short changes her on the little things.

Balthor, shopkeep of “Balthor’s Rare and Wonderous Treasures, underground fence in his downtime: Unscrupulous and shifty human. Tricks Varis’ dumb ass out of some coin.
Sumpter, drow shopkeep “Sumpter’s Splendid Shoes and Sundries”: Provides Varis with some drip, despite Varis’ trauma-based hatred of dirty old Drow

Jerry and Redshirt #12: Drunk guards who get jedi mindtricked and then the beaten out of them anyway

Rose Mayfleet: Elderly magical halfling professor whose defenses are impregnable to the deviant charms of young elven flesh. Strong in magic as well as morals.

Sergei Illestrad: human shopkeep, lives with wife at Revelay's Elegant Headware selling luxurious clothing. Varragh and Harminil used previous painting from Edmund encounter as anniversary present deception to enter home and steal letter, leaving on bad terms. Letter is magically wiped of contents. Still getting extorted and manipulated by Varragh. Still absolutely ed no matter what he does.

Saern, human shopkeep “Saern’s Fine Swords”: Fine craftsmen, doesn’t take anybody’s . Also makes commissions for slavers, driving Varis into a rage.

The Mystery Continues:

The group returns to Harminil’s home in a tough situation. Varragh immediately reports on the arrest of Evander while proposing the group abandons their dangerous, unrewarding quest and argues with Varis who wishes to find and save Evander both out of guilt and because of its link to his quest. Varis proposes giving up part of his share of the loot to keep Varragh and Harminil motivated while Varragh argues that Varis’ unwillingness to get his hands dirty makes him a liability. Varis begrudgingly agrees and is metaphorically “cucked”.

Ever the alcoholic irrational moron, yet also a skilled actor, Varis desperately begs Harminil for his ornate pocket watch acquired in the heist as part of his plan to impersonate a pompous aristocrat, putting up hundreds of gold coins as collateral. Thus properly equipped, the group enacts a plan in which Varragh, ever a cunning monster, will travel the city appraising and attempting to sell some of the heist jewels in bunches to acquire liquid coin while Harminil uses his pure elven artistry to forge even more fake wanted posters to throw the heat off the party for their role in the heist, as Varis does more dumbassery involving blowing heist coin on buying exquisite clothes, a headwrap to cover his severed ear, and a fancy monocle at Sumpter’s Splendid Shoes and Sundries.

Being a native of the city, Harminil goes to restock his art supplies at his usual store, as he happily supports his local High Elven business (the only business he’d ever happily support). He goes back to business happily employing his superior talents while lambasting Varis’ impure blood, and gives some already-complete posters to the half-elf for distribution. Meanwhile, Varis’ dumb ass realizes after traveling to Endshift and talking to Kukassy that they could’ve simply scraped the watermarks off the gold bars and pawned them off for coin for three days now.

Varragh goes to Halazar’s Fine Gems while using the spontaneous alias Saoirse of House Welfinder, a name that is literally just Harminil’s but in reverse and surely won’t be traced back to the party if the merchandise was flagged as stolen. Varragh rejects a low-ball offer and heads down to Phalantar where she uses her devious charms to sell the ornate maps acquired in the heist for 400 gold, overcoming the ”I’ll give you 3.50 and a bag of potato chips” pawn shop curse. Eventually, she manages to haggle the pawn shop owner into paying literally two more gold for a single bracelet, because Varragh is just that frugal that 407 is that important to acquire vs. 405.

Varis goes to “Balthor’s Rare and Wonderous Treaures” to fence some of the gold, using Harminil’s knowledge of the city. Goes in character as pompous nobleman “Baras Goldwater of the Silver Marches”,and is stupidly completely unaware of being shortchanged on the 70% exchange rate, receiving 1,000 coins for the 5 bars exchanged. The other two sneak around thinking this will be trouble but literally nothing else happens there. He also travels in character to Kukassy to distribute forged posters to pay off the party’s remaining debt and learn if Kukassy will exchange the gold bars for coin. In character, Varis tells street urchins “Lord Baras of House Goldwater has a proposition for you” thinking it will result in him giving work and coin to the starving kids distributing the posters and not realizing it will make him appear to be a Jeffrey Epstein-type.

Lastly, Varis runs into a couple drunk guards outside Endshift who try to rough him up until he convinces them he is actually a powerful “Sorceror of the Silver Marches”, but then stupidly casts abjure enemy to frighten them and causes them to attack. Varis then beats the out of them thinking it will make an example of any bullies or ruffians wanting to intimidate others in the Field Ward but really just makes Baras Goldwater come off as a violent sociopath casting hexes on others. Jerry gets his rocked while Varis screams “THAT WAS JUST 1/100^TH OF MY POWER”

END SESSION 1

We return to the House of Harminil after Varis pays Kukassy and learns the drunk fat man will accept 5 bars/week at an 80% rate as opposed to the 70% Balthor took, with the party still having 27 in possession to get rid of. The options to convert the bars also include Phalantar the Philanderer and Sumpter.

Finally having enough cash on hand following Varragh’s sales, Varis must again convince her to continue with the quest by pledging servitude to the other two members if they follow through with the quest as well as giving a higher percentage of his heist take to them. Satisfied with the deal, the party returns out of disguise to Rose Mayfleet. Knowing about the possibility traveling as a group might still pose an issue though, they travel staggered, and Varis encounters a weird as hell beggar who does some voodoo possessed talking about a holy vow before going back to normal. Rose Mayfleet gives a discount given the severity of the situation as well as the party’s inability to cast the spells themselves, cutting the cost down to 2,000 gold.

The letter found on the corpse of Popovich reads as follows: “We have your wife and daughter. You know what you have to do to keep them safe”. While the letter stolen from Illestrad by Harminil and Varragh reads: “Your wife’s name is Fiona Illestrad and you have two twin boys. If you wish for us not to act on this information you will hold your tongue.”

Harminil and Varragh send Varis to get drunk as usual while they do the dirty work without him ruining it. They return to Sergei Illestrad where Varragh engages in increasingly terrifying threats, saying she will publicly make it appear he did talk unless he actually does, leading to him basically crying that she’s even worse than the people who are threatening to kill him. Essentially, Varragh is pulling a straight-up Rorschach “I’M NOT LOCKED IN HERE WITH YOU, YOU’RE LOCKED IN HERE WITH ME” to make this poor guy talk while Harminil takes a courteous pass on talking, knowing she is better at is and enjoying the show of making a disgusting human grovel to superior Elven advanced interrogation in broad daylight. In fact, in this moment Harminil probably is considering making this the scene of his next pro-Elven propaganda masterpiece.

Varis meanwhile decides he wants to upgrade his sword with some of his remaining coin. He locates a higher end shop called Saern’s Fine Swords and finds a scimitar that costs roughly 6x his cash on hand that he greatly desires, only to learn it was crafted for a Calimport slaver, sending him into an obsession with robbing the shop and its slave-supporting bastard owner despite the fact his last heist killed dozens.

The party regroups and Varragh immediately has an epiphany and returns to Revelay’s to torment Sergei again. Having realized she never once asked what it was he wasn’t supposed to speak of, which it turns out is the missing prisoners and other shady dealings the party mostly already knew about.

Finally, the party regroups and accidentally comes upon a group of inner -city gangsters ing with some poor ladies. Led by one creepy-as-hell half-orc, the band attempts to attack the party for intruding on their sus as hell dealings. The cannon fodder charges first and get basically cut down immediately by walking directly into Harminil’s blade, while Varragh picks off the ranged fighters at a distance with her crossbow and Varis mostly fails in casting spells like a chump. Eventually the half-orc the only one of any prowess is cut down and the party has for once done a good deed in Waterdeep, looking over the slaughter they just committed. The woman are probably sitting there terrified of the psychopaths who just cut down an entire group of men, and are now traumatized and covered in gore but at least they’re no longer being mugged!

The session comes to a close with the party weighing their options.


Points to Consider for next time:

Where does the party go from here in regards to the mystery and saving Evander?

Will the party find more evidence towards uncovering where these prisoners are being taken?

If these villains are kidnapping guards’ families, how high does this go?

Will Varragh ever feel guilt for her actions? Will she just decided to do that sick assassination move from the bank to every single person who gets in her way, good or evil be damned?

Will Harminil become the famous artist he was destined to be? Will he continue to begin every day asking how long until his elvish supremacy secret club meeting like he is a 9 year old counting the days down until Christmas?

Does the party ever carry out Varis’ moronic sword shop heist? Will he ever be sober long enough to actually focus on the task that is his whole character motivation?

Find out next time.

[Narf]

"Will he continue to begin every day asking how long until his elvish supremacy secret club meeting like he is a 9 year old counting the days down until Christmas?"
Nothing like comparing Harminils elven supremacy mania to a kid looking towards a holiday dominated by a guy literally employing elven slave labour. 10/10

[ggggtotalwarrior]

HAHAHA tbf those Elves are more like DND gnomes, but that's an incredibly funny realization. Funny enough the DND world I've been working on building and mapping has those types of elves in lieu of the traditional fantasy elves.

[Akar]

[ggggtotalwarrior]

WATERDEEP MYSTERY

CHAPTER 6: KILLING COLT

Open in the home of Harminil of House Finderwel

Party:
Varis Aloro, Chaotic Good Paladin, Half-Elf, 28 years of age: escaped slave and former Calimport Gladiator. Paladin with an oath of Vengeance on slavers and a desire to do good by the less fortunate, but whose pursuit of these goals are often harmed by bouts of depression and drunkenness over his past. Recent arrival to Waterdeep in search of his lost love, who he lost contact with when sold from Luskan to Calimport 12 years ago.
Alias: “Drunken Dip ” “12 Years a Slave”

Harminil of House Finderwel, True Neutral Battle Master, High Elf, 120 years of age: Noble and former soldier with residence in Waterdeep. Painter and wild card with deep-rooted sense of High Elven Supremacy and an insatiable desire for high elven women. Seeks to hone his skills in combat so that one day he may reclaim the Jeweled Crown of his ancestors that was stolen by a demonic entity long ago and restore his house’s as well as his personal sense of superiority. Prior experience serving with the mercenary Varragh il Sunayn during his military service.
Alias: “Harm and ‘Ammer”, “The Hater”

Varragh il Sunayn, Chaotic Neutral Mastermind, Fey Elf, 186 years of age: Descendant of a house of hunters turned traffickers who straddled the border between Toril and the Feywild. Rogue, Hunter and survivor with an imperative to retake and restore her family’s power, even if guilted by the means that acquired that power. Will keep the party on track and has a no-nonsense attitude when dealing with the commoners, or even potential enemies, who get in her way. Prior experience serving with the soldier Harminil through her time as a mercenary:
Alias: “The woman who literally snapped a dude’s neck like Black Widow” “Big Scary”

NPCs:
Pierre Kukassy, “Bucket Man” Endshift Tavern Bartender: Fat older man who loves a good alcoholic customer. Bros with Varis, negative opinion towards Harminil. Eyes and ears in the city for the party. Still sells the bucket. Got his cut plus damages.

Castle Ward Guards: Mostly confused, still don’t know why a random rich guy is insisting they unionize

Southern Ward Sergeant: Confused by Varis’“Speak to my manager?”

Lieutenant Colt Magnus: Sus as and a big lying doody face. Gets hit with karma

Night Captain Prodavac Devola: Sussy sussy lying doodoo head. Still hasn’t gotten hit with the karma bomb, but it's on its way

The Mystery Continues (Finding Evander):
We start the session with Varragh for the 7^th day in a row arguing “Varis this isn’t our quest, I don’t give a about anybody but me” while Varis grovels and pleads and argues he already essentially agreed to basically re-entering slavery on behalf of this psychopath in return for her help in saving his woman. Harminil again reminds them it’s another day closer to his High Elf racist clan meeting and also is more willing than Varragh to save his old war buddy Evander, not out of loyalty or friendship but because an Elf being taken against his will is an affront to the superior race.

The group considers different paths of accomplishing the immediate, and so far, ignored primary objective of finding and rescuing Evander. Varis proposes the “Ace Attorney” path, which is oddly accepted and understood despite Japan, video games and Ace Attorney not existing in the world of Faerun. Harminil is seemingly more willing to go guns blazing than the others while Varragh probably still wants to harass Sergei, a man likely on the brink of a full on mental breakdown, for like the 5^th time for info. Harminil also proposes hiring a “Saul Goodman”, probably the name of some Dwarven defense attorney he’d previously employed in a discrimination lawsuit, to represent Evander in a possible trial.

Deciding that a course of action can’t be taken until Evander is found at all, the group decides to check the Castle Ward barracks for his holding cell, knowing he was taken in an inn in that ward when Varragh was present. Varis due to his bull-y skills decides to go first as his flamboyant, high-pitched Silver Marches-based nobleman sorcerer, the ever-moronic Baras Goldwater.

Stone-walled, he tries to bribe the “underpaid” guards given his philanthropist persona. He then travels to a few other wards where he receives no information, eventually going to the southern ward and demanding to “speak with a manager”, eventually being able to meet a Lieutenant Colt “No, I don’t do X rated movies” Magnus, who insists Popovich and Evander moved up north to Neverwinter. When “Baras” loses his cool, Colt and his Night-Captain threatens to arrest him, forcing Varis to flee.

Upon his return, Varragh tells Varis he is a moron and also theorizes that Evander has probably been cut up into little pieces already, but is oddly completely fine with this outcome. Harminil decides it is time for him to try his own interrogation of the guard, seeing as the half-breed was clearly as insufficient detective.

Harminil travels the city, having a much friendlier dialogue with guards in several wards than Varis managed. Essentially, all of them boil down to “hmmmm Evander, nah that guy was night shift and he moved up North”, while Harminil gradually loses his patience. Every time he encounters a human or dwarf rather than pure elven guardsman, he enters the conversation already expecting disappointment given their inability to process his higher level of existence and the fact that they should naturally grovel before him. At one point the North Ward Guardsman minunderstands the question being asked like an idiot *cough* Akar *cough* to which Harminil replies with “typical human”. Sadly, Detetive Harminil doesn’t get the opportunity to reply to a crime scene with a witty pun while LARPing as Detective Briscoe.

Only after Harminil returns does Varragh have one of those cliché “WAIT A MINUTE……WHAAAAAT WAS HIS NAME” moments.

“Trojan Ecstasy?”

“Biggus Dickus?”

“Big Bronco Johnson?”

“NO COLT MAGNUS! THAT’S THE GUY WHO TOOK EVANDER!”

Realizing that the guy who spoke down to and threatened/humiliated Baras during his investigation was in fact the guy who had taken Evander to begin with (thus lying through his teeth), even Good Varis is down with Varragh’s plot to “lure him into an alley and cut him”. Harminil again is fine with this idea given Magnus is human, not an elf. Given his Baras character had just interacted with Colt, he goes as a new character, street-wise enforcer/gangster and Goldwater employee Trojan Montoya. His fancy chaperon worn while Baras Goldwater is instead turned into a gangster bandana. Varragh decides to pick up the raggiest clothing she can find and kicks Varis in the gut to make him puke on her, making her look like a disgusting, easily-dismissed street bum. Harminil has no interest in appearing to be anything but a superior elf, and even though he is easily identifiable (a lesson that should’ve been learned post-bank fiasco), he doesn’t give a .

The group waits and follows Colt as he leaves his barracks early the next morning. Harminil easily spots Colt in the ground and avoids detection while sneaking due to the swiftness of foot granted by his perfect genetics but Varragh and Varis deal with some shenanigans based on their inability to somehow detect a guy both of them had actually met before eventually catching up. They follow Colt to Endshift Tavern.

Varis pulls Kukassy to the back and arranges for Kukassy to over-load Colt and his two companions with alcohol, leaving them severely inebriated as they leave. Varis follows and casts “Command” on the wasted guardsman, managing to force Colt to follow him into a back alley. Once there, he punches Colt for “Laughing at my boy Baras of House Goldwater. You think that’s ing funny bro? A sorcerer from the Silver Marchers always finds out, .” While the other two arrive.

Varragh, annoyed with Varis’ idiocy and borderline racially-insensitive character work, states she was there when Evander was taken and wants to know where he is, to which Colt remembers her as “the elf ”, triggering Harminil to also hit him and say, “Watch what races you speak ill of, human”. Varragh literally grabs Colt by the balls and goes into an intended-to-be-threatening monologue that oddly involves a threat to cut off Colt’s manhood while also describing its length. The other two are confused if this is still an interrogation or a scene from a very weird BDSM erotica.

When asked who they are, Harminil like usual goes into his alias of “I am Feanor, High King of the Elves” to the usual confusion, but Varragh ignores the question to continue the interrogation. Finally, Colt admits Evander is held in the dungeon, but only the jailors and captains have keys. Harminil hits Colt with the “oh you were simply following orders? You know who else does that….” Argument when Colt makes excuses. Even Varis at this point is willing to unleash Varragh’s wrath on the Lieutenant, while Harminil simply wonders if this is a reference to her sexually harassing Colt.

Colt finally goes all weirdly cultist (COLTIST) and “yOu hAvE nO idEa wHat yOu’Re gEttiNG iNTo DERRRR” and refuses to talk aside from “believing in a cause” or some dumb . While Varis proposes a Weekend at Bernie’s 2 as a means of getting Colt back to Harminil’s for interrogation a la Daratha nearly two weeks ago, everyone remembers how terrible of a sequel a Weekend at Bernie’s 2 would be and rejects this stupid idea. Colt thinks himself a genius when he successfully and condescendingly identifies Trojan as actually being Baras Goldwater, but he is sadly unable to comprehend how many layers deep one actor’s performance can be.

Devola is identified as one captain with keys to the dungeon, but before the other captains can be named, Varragh demands elaboration for some prior threats Colt had made. Colt refuses on account of them being “murderous, kidnapping bandits” as if that isn’t the most hypocritical statement ever made. Calling them “as crazy as those guys who robbed the bank”, Colt has an instant realization of who he is talking to, prompting Harminil to instantly advocate for killing him. Varragh, in true badass/scary mother er fashion says “I tire of this conversation” and shoots Colt in the face, instantly killing him. She loots the corrupt guard, leaves evidence framing it as a criminal act on behalf of Amrik’s Raiders, and the group return home. Varis is again triggered by the site of Colt’s face unexpectedly exploding all over the place without warning, after he himself commanded the man to go to a location to die and gave Varragh the green light to do so. Harminil is happy with this turn of events keeping his identity safe and the death of a man who wrongfully took an elf captive. Varragh was just tired of his .

Points to Consider for next time:
Will the group be able to save Evander? How?

Who in the guard is/isn’t involved in this conspiracy?

Will there be any repercussions to killing Colt?

Where is this massive conspiracy Colt alluded to heading?

At what point will Varis disassociate and no longer remember himself?

Will Varragh ever tire of slaughtering people who piss her off for personal gain?

Will Harminil finally for the love of God(s) get to free his elven brethren and go to his evil elf club meeting?

FIND OUT NEXT TIME

[Kilo11]

Narf was right, your voice wasn't being picked up on your stream/recording for some reason. Also, how dare you upload recordings of me without my consent! I demand an "artist's fee" for contributing to this performance. That will be $1000 per hour of footage you have, my good sir.

[Gyrosmeister]

"Will he continue to begin every day asking how long until his elvish supremacy secret club meeting like he is a 9 year old counting the days down until Christmas?"
Nothing like comparing Harminils elven supremacy mania to a kid looking towards a holiday dominated by a guy literally employing elven slave labour. 10/10

Objection, this fatass santa claus was an invention by Coca-Cola, not the actual Christian saint

[Akar]